Grunting and Oats

Growing up we would go to my grandma's house every weekend or what felt like every weekend.  Grandma's house felt like a safe haven.  I was allowed to eat what I wanted, when I wanted, and in any amount I wanted.  Every morning Grandma made oats, now this is not your normal 90 second microwaved oatmeal.  She cooked these on the oven and unloaded enough brown sugar and butter to spike my insulin through the roof.  Most importantly, Grandma taught me to properly hug someone, you must grunt.  I cannot think of one time I hugged Grandma without grunting, even as a 24 year old man.

I loved going to Grandma's house.  I was allowed to ride on the back of the truck as Grandpa or one of my uncles drove around the farm so we could look at the cows tobacco fields.  In her front yard there were 3 perfectly placed trees that made the best whiffle ball field any 10 year old could dream of.  Her yard had too many hiding places (if there is such a thing) for hide and seek.  My cousins lived across the street and came over every time stayed there.

Then the angels came on November 7th and took my grandma.  She is now reunited in Heaven with my daddy and Aunt Linda Faye.  The funeral was small and to my surprise I balled like a kid who had his candy taken away from him.  Three weeks later and I am still sad, knowing I won't be grunting when I hug her or eating oats anytime soon.  I am thankful for  these memories, my family, and most of all my grandma.

The worst and the best

A few Saturdays ago was an emotional day.  That morning I had the privilege of attending the funeral of the father of one of my childhood friends.  All funerals are tough and difficult, but this one was especially tough and difficult.  I couldn't help but remember a time when I was in the same situation as my friend, fatherless.  Losing your  father is difficult, no matter if you're 7 or 24.

I long for the day I can rejoice in Heaven with my Father, the Creator, and my earthly father. I'm somewhat ashamed and embarrassed that selfishly I would love to be greeted by my earthly father before my heavenly Father. Why is this?  I am full of sin and for the last 17 years I have been jealous of the bond I have seen between my friends and their fathers.

That same Saturday evening I was fortunate to attend the wedding of a dear friend of mine. As I sat on the hay bale I could only think about 6 months earlier when I was in the same position as groom. And man oh man was that the best day I have ever had. A day where my best friend became wife. A day where I never had to say goodbye to my wife again. A day where my life ended and our life began.  This life of marriage is tough, but beautiful and i recommend it to anyone who is in love.

Christian Atheism

This past Sunday I was in Books a Million in Pigeon Forge and noticed a book titled Christian Atheism. The title really interested me. So when I got home the next day I searched the internet wondering what this book could be about. It is such an interesting concept. Reading Wikipedia's article I was confused as to what it means: Christian Atheism- is a belief system in which the God of Christianity is rejected, but the moral teachings of Jesus are followed. I was confused in reading this and wondering why this book titled Christian Atheism was in the Christianity section of Books a Million.

So two days later I went to another Books a Million location and decided to take a gander what was inside the book. The author, Craig Groeschel, writes a letter to his readers. Knowing I don't have enough time to read the entire book in one sitting and not wanting to pay for the book, I decided just to read the letter to the readers. In the letter Groeschel states that he likes to strike up conversations on airplanes with the people sitting near him. One particular flight he struck up a conversation with a college girl who was a "baptist." However her lifestyle didn't always represent that she was a "baptist." Groeschel calls this girl a Christian Atheist, because she understands and somewhat follows Christ's teachings, but didn't live as if God were in existence.

Groeschel then called himself a Christian Atheist. Of course he isn't purposely a Christian Atheist, it's just he will put stuff before God, but will still keep the Christian look on the outside. After reading this I got to thinking how big of a Christian Atheist I am. Of course just like Groeschel, I'm not purposely practicing Christian Atheism. It's just that often times (I use often loosely, I should use always), I put something before spending time with God. I will watch TV, Volquest, go to sleep, go to a friend's house, read Harry Potter, eat an apple, or whatever else there could be. Of course I do all this, while still acting and doing morally right. Sure I will mess up on the morals part, but I'll immediately get back on the right path.

So what can I do to not be a Christian Atheist? I guess it will have to do what Brother Lawrence and Frank Laubach strived to do in Practicing His Presence and what Paul instructed us to do in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 "pray without ceasing," and in Ephesians 6:18 "pray continually.

And I'll probably fail at all times in doing this.

The wrong kind of elder brother

Prodigal
1. Recklessly extravagant
2. Having spent everything

Having just finished Timothy Keller's The Prodigal God, I can't help but realize no matter how hard I try, I always catch myself acting like the elder brother. Keller breaks down the most famous parables Christ told, The Prodigal Son. He breaks the parable into to different acts. Act 1 titled The Lost Younger Brother and Act 2 titled The Lost Elder Brother.

Keller goes on to explain the younger brother appears to be more lost than the elder brother because of his immoral lifestyle. However the elder brother is just as lost if not even more so. He hates the fact that his younger brother had wasted all of the inheritance and now his father is going to throw the biggest feast the town has ever seen, using his share of the inheritance.

The younger brother is not afraid to hide his sins, he wears them on his sleeves. He does not care what others think of him. The elder brother loves to do everything right and hates to be frowned upon. He often hides his sins so it looks as if he does not do wrong.

The elder brother is not truly a brother to his younger brother. Had he been, he would have gone out and looked for his younger brother. He would have done everything he could have to make sure his younger returned home. He would have been thrilled to see his younger brother return. He would have ran with his father to greet him.

Between these two, I would label myself the elder brother. I often look to do everything right and nothing wrong in the eyes of society. I often look down upon those who openly "sin." I do all of this while trying to hide the fact that I sin just as much as they do and possibly more. I hate that I do all of this. It really sucks. It's funny cause the more and more I think I am becoming less and less like the elder brother, I look at my life and realize that I am just as much like the elder brother as I had been before.

One thing I would really really really really like to think I'm different from the elder brother is that I would truly be an elder brother in the sense of having a younger sibling that I care for and would go to the ends of the world to find and bring back home.

Short Lived

On May 14 a guy I graduated high school with died in a car wreck. From the day we graduated to early March I hardly communicated with him at all. Then one day in March we started talking to each other through Facebook. We had four years of catching up to do. We also had another mutual interest, fitness. We talked constantly through Facebook from then on about different fitness ideas, diets, workouts, etc. We even talked about doing this competition called Tough Mudders together down in Atlanta. It's funny because, I really did not want to do it, but since his death it's all I can think of doing to honor him.

There is more to this though. Chad leaves behind a wife, a son, and a daughter to be born later this summer. It sucks to hear about someone so young who leaves this earth. It sucks even more to hear who he has left behind. Why does God choose someone so young, with such responsibility? I heard my step-father say when we die, we have completed God's specific purpose for us. But what about those who do not know Him, what is they're purpose? Or do they even have a purpose?

Seeing someone so young die proves we are not guaranteed tomorrow.

Ampitheater

Last Wednesday I was walking on the Pedestrian Walkway and the Humanities Ampitheater was full of people, more so than normal. Of course, Easter was near and it was time for the two older gentlemen to come to campus and "evangelize." I use the term evangelize loosely. From where I was standing they seemed to be condemning everyone who was near. I'm not going to say if that's what they were actually doing because I was at the top of the ampitheater, but I did talk to several of my friends who had been listening and their thoughts on them were not pleasant. It is no wonder people are turned off of Christianity. I really feel sorry for the people who think that is what Christianity is. And I hope that is not their only face-to-face encounter with Christianity.

After death.

Being around death for the past few days has got me thinking of life after death and how important eternal salvation is. I do not live my life with a sense of urgency as I should. I do not live it as Christ is coming today as I should. There are many things I do not do, that I most definitely should.

This past Sunday was the funeral for my "step"-grandmother, Mrs. Edith. I put step in " " because she treated me as if I were her grandchild. She loved me as much in the seven years I knew her as anyone else had done in that same amount of time. Her death was much expected, and I was surprised she had stayed alive this long. But as David, my "step"-dad said this morning, there was purpose to her life every bit these past few weeks as there was 10 years ago. There is no doubt in my mind that Mrs. Edith is in Heaven.

Which that brings me to the subject of this entry: Heaven and Hell, but probably more so Hell. Hollywood gives Hell the look of flaming, hot, burning, fires, etc. I'm not quite sure that is what Hell looks like or feels like. If I had to guess what Hell looked and felt like, it would look alot like the world today, just take the joy out of it. For example, ten days ago I was on Bourbon Street and while at the time it seemed like alot of fun, but looking back it was full of sin. Sin that now repulses me.

I don't think life changes too much for the individuals who live life like this. Observing these individuals, it seems they lived a life without Christ, or perhaps and hopefully it was just at that specific time. The only difference to the life they live now and Hell is hope.

As quoted from Darrell Jones, "i mean its a place completely devoid of the holy spirit, which by definition is supposed to be a comfort. so a place without hope or comfort. or bojangles, but it will have jonas brothers albums and homework. pretty much it will be kwinns basement. complete with twilight posters"

I would try to give my thoughts on Heaven, but I can't even possiblly imagine what it will look like. All I can say is it will be a freakin party. And I would assume it would be at least 10 times better than Rorex's Love on the Jersey Shore dance party, had the party been upstairs.